I went into my 50’s kicking and screaming. I’ll admit that it stung for a few years (like diving into a freezing water), but I came up from the deep, happier and more content than ever…

Over my 54th year I transformed my way of thinking about midlife, about aging and about my vision for the remainder of my life.  About midway through this year-long transformation of the mind and heart I heard this song by Antje Duvekot (click above) and my heart melted… sometimes it just takes the perfect song to help you connect all the dots!  Yes, I am in the sweet spot of my life!

Up until my late forties I had always been told that I looked “young,” and my body obediently followed suit; there was literally nothing I couldn’t do.  Then I turned 50, and all at once it seemed that my body quit cooperating.  I ended up having surgery on one knee, and then on the other.  I developed sever plantar fasciitis in both feet.  I developed sleep apnea.  I had chronic tendonitis in one arm.  I developed insulin resistance, as well as an uncanny inability to maintain my weight.  Of course, there were also the beginnings of wrinkles and gray hair.  It seemed I’d changed from a vibrant “Towanda”

I was angry.  I was lost at sea.  I was having none of it.  But, nonetheless, it was having me.

I spent a next few years trying to punch my way out of the proverbial paper bag; constantly trying to turn back the hands of time, and complaining all the while…” I want my other body back!  I can’t do this anymore, and I can’t do that anymore!  This is so unfair!  I can’t fathom spending the next 30-40 years in this misery!”

I believed that it was the beginning of a slow, painful decline to the end of my life; that I would never again be able to enjoy a whole host of physical activities that suddenly seemed out of my grasp.

I felt like life as I knew it was over. Well, I was right.  Young life was over.  But what I didn’t know was that before long I would learn to celebrate the passing of the baton.  I would learn that it wasn’t something to mourn, but something to embrace!

Prequel:  For centuries, aging women (whose youthful beauty and reproductive years have waned) have been widely devalued by society and “put out to pasture,” so to speak.  Since medieval times women have been taught that their outward appearance equated to their worth, to their ability to marry and to be elevated in social standing, to hold on to their husbands, and to garner power and respect.

Historically, women have bought into the lie that wrinkles and gray hair are ugly; something to be avoided, hidden, covered up, delayed, and postponed at all costs.   We have bought into contemporary marketing ploys that teach us to believe that our bodies are not good enough if we don’t resemble magazine cover models; which dictate that we spend a lifetime buying “beauty” products, subscribing to gym memberships, and enduring plastic surgery.

Sequel:  It took me a few years to begin to understand that I had, indeed, arrived in a brand new good place!  A place where I was free to be an “older” woman!  I began to see my years of experiences (equal parts fear, heartache, stress, joy, excitement, and serenity) as gems that I could pass along to my children and grandchildren… particularly the women in my family (I have a younger sister, one niece, one biological daughter, 3 bonus daughters – some call them “stepdaughters”- and 3 granddaughters).  So, yes, it finally became apparent to me that my worth did not reside in my appearance, but in my ability to pass along bits and pieces of life-supporting wisdom for these women who come behind me.  — to debunk the negative myths that we measure ourselves against – – to let them know, “You are perfect just as you are.” – – to quit promoting aging as a negative circumstance, and to be a positive example to everyone around me that midlife is not something to shy away from!  I want to be a part of a movement that’s out there where women in midlife are on a mission to discover who they really are.  To make no apologies for their gray or silver hair or their laugh lines!  I want to let my children and grandchildren know that midlife is something to look forward to; something to aspire to and treasure.

I began to see that all the life lessons and experiences I’d had in my first half-century needed to be passed on – – to make the lives and perspectives of those women coming along side me and those coming up behind me easier, more enlightened, and therefore, “more-better.”  Much more-better!

I am looking forward to putting some muscle behind those 50 years of experiences and using those life lessons to transform lives around me in the upcoming 30 years!  Now that the weirdness of adolescence is over, the embarrassing mistakes of the 20’s are over, the beautiful struggles of the 30’s are over, and the family-rearing and empty-nesting of the 40’s are over, what in the world will I do with all that knowledge and understanding?  Pass it on!

Little Known Fact:  In the mammal world females of most species die within a short time after their reproductive job is fulfilled.  There are only two species of mammals whose females live for decades beyond the conclusion of their reproductive roles:  humans and orcas.   Culture tells us that post reproductive female humans become obsolete and unimportant; but what do the post reproductive female orcas do?  They become leaders of their pods!  Their roles don’t diminish, their roles increase in importance!

Evolutionary anthropologists think that the “grandmother theory” explains this phenomenon.  The grandmother theory suggests that having a grandmother helps the daughter be a better mother.  More grandchildren survive and thrive.  Older females play a vital role in helping to feed, raise, and teach their children and grandchildren.

Ladies!  Let’s learn from the orcas!  Don’t let all of your life experiences go to waste!  Become that matriarch that breathes life and cultural reform into those women that come after you.  This does not apply only to mothers; you need not have borne or raised children to have life experiences worth sharing with others.

Midlife is the perfect time to continue learning and growing… without all the background noise of your youth or child rearing!  Hone new skills, volunteer, travel… do the things you never had time to do as a young person!

We all have different life experiences, but for me my sweet spot is this:

• My children are healthy, grown and off the payroll;
• My parents are still healthy and don’t yet require special care;
• The love of my life (second time around!) is still around;
• I have made it to the top of a very satisfying career and I enjoy my work;
• My finances are “mostly” in order.  I have everything I need and most things I desire;
• I am a grandmother (joy!);
• I don’t live in fear (financial or otherwise).

I list these things not to say that your sweet spot should include any or all of these things, but to get you thinking about your own sweet spot. And this is not to say that we have only one sweet spot in life – there are many seasons. But for me, turning 55 years old, I am grateful for this sweet spot in my life! And I look forward to this next chapter – a new beginning – a new adventure!

Go ahead, dive in!  It will only sting for a moment… let it rearrange you.